Miss Independent

I was doing my daily scroll on a social media site, and came across an article titled "How to love a girl who doesn't know how to be loved". It described these woman as being independent. As I continued to read this article I realized I was one of those woman. Even though I had been married for 24 years, and divorced just a few years ago. I was very independent during the marriage and even more so after. Not so much financially, but in every other aspect. I was in control of most of the finances, I did most of the day to day tasks that had to be done in and out of the home. I also made all of the decision making when it came to our children. At times I felt like I was a married single person, if that makes any sense?

Dating has not been easy for me, in fact I don't date much at all, and I think its because I'm afraid of losing my independence. I've been told I'm too picky, but I just don't feel the rush to jump into a relationship until I feel comfortable about having one. I like to get to know someone in a natural environment with friends and without the pressure you get from dating. At first I may seem a little rough around the edges, but my edges will soften when you get to know me. I do consider myself to be less emotional than most woman because I tend to ponder my thoughts, and work through them on my own. I also need to see how you react to my personality, and my need for independence.

I definitely need someone who supports my decisions. Just because I want to be independent doesn't mean I don't want to be in a long term relationship. When I am ready to love, it's forever. I realize that you are a person with or without me, and ask that you see me in the same way. Being able to spend time apart is important to me, and I don't want to rely on your presence, nor do I want you to rely on mine. When we are together, be together. Completely. Let me know I am loved until I begin to understand what that feels like, and then keep doing it. If it’s right, I'll come around because I am loyal by nature, and I'll stick around, too.

                                                 https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                      https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Go Outside and Play

I often hear parents say how they think most kids today are lazy, and don't know how to go outside and play, problem solve, read a book, or do things for themselves. They spend way too much time in front of a TV playing video games. I tend to look at these parents puzzled that they would blame their kids for this? Yes, this is a different world we live in. Technology has change everything. Both parents have to work now, and can't spend as much time with their kids as they used to, but I can't help but think that kids learn by example. I don't know a lot of parents who actually spend their free time reading a book, playing outside, or not spending every moment checking their phones.

My children are 25 and 28, but when they were elementary age through High school age they spent their time playing outside, reading, and learning how to problem solve because they watched their parents do it. Yes, they had their down time playing video games, but they stayed active, and spent time stimulating their minds. As adults my children are still huge book readers, and have very active life styles. They both despise social media, and although they always have their phones in hand, they never use them to check in, or post selfies on Facebook.

I have deeper, more stimulating conversations with my adult children than I do with most people my age. I try to read as much as possible, and stay physically fit, but sometimes I just want to be lazy. They both think I spend too much time on Facebook, but I have blog ideas to come up with, right? Yeah, I know, they don't buy it either, even though I probably spend the least time of all my friends on Facebook. I guess they think I need to spend more time playing outside. The roles have reversed. Don't laugh, this will probably happen to you too. Get off that computer and go outside and play!

                                                   https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                         https://twitter.com/debbielynn27


 

You Offend Me

When I scroll through my news feed on my social media sites I more so than not come across those good ole memes that friends post to try and get their political views, religious beliefs, or their opinions on what the latest news media outlet is ranting about. Most people don't even care if it's factual or not. If they like what it says, and goes along with their belief system they are going to post it. Social networking has changed a whole lot since I first joined it back in 2009. 2009, you say? I never even knew a Myspace existed until I joined facebook. I was a very private person, and kept most of my opinions to myself. My family values were for me and my family only, and I really didn't let what other peoples views on things effect me, or change how I felt about them. Probably because it wasn't shoved down my throat everyday like it is on social media.

Someone recently posted a meme about how people are more offended than they used to be about things. Well, I would agree 100% with that, not because there is more to be offended by, but because people have an outlet to offend a greater number of people at one time than ever before. Think about it, we usually discussed things with people from our own inner circles. Now we reach people we haven't seen in 20 years. If we belong to groups, we can reach even more people we've never met with our opinions. I often think about deleting my social network accounts, and go back to my quiet, private, less opinionated life style, but I bet that would offend you.

                                                 https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                     https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

The loss of a child.

To lose a child is no doubt the worst pain you can ever feel. To raise, love, and nurture this beautiful gift of life, then to have it taken away from you before their time can be so devastating. The reality is you will grieve forever. You will never get over it, not even with time.You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but never the same. Nor should you be, nor should you want to be.

 No, I have never lost a child, but I have grieved with my Mother who had lost her youngest son at the age of 20. I helped her to get through the worst time of her life. It is never easy to watch someone you love so dearly go through so much pain while trying to deal with your own grief and loss of a Brother. I felt I had to be strong for her, but yet I would go home and hold my young children tight, and cry myself to sleep only to wake up and do it all over again. At times I was so physically exhausted from the lack of sleep, and I know she was too.


                                                   The 5 stages of grieving

Denial and Isolation

The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

• If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
• If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
• If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

Depression

Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.

                                            Dedicated to my friend, Gail, and her son, Kane.
                                              https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                    https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Teach your children well

Children are our greatest gift in life. They teach us to be strong, to be brave, and to love unconditionally. Raising kids is not an easy job, and sometimes they can bring us heartache when they are experiencing difficult times. No child is perfect, but of course we are always there for them when they choose the wrong path in life. From my own experience my children have not always been ideal, but I've managed to persevere through the hard times. Sometimes no matter what we do for them their inner demons can take control over the most loved and cared for child.

I really love being a mom, especially during the younger years of their lives. I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home Mom for the first 11 years. My whole life consisted of raising them, maybe too much at times. When my children reached an age that they no longer needed my day to day care it was hard for me to let go. I always felt unsure if the values I taught them actually stayed with them through the teenage rebellion years, but as they've grown older I can actually see that those values were not lost. Children do learn by example, and if we do not live the life we preach they will turn a deaf ear.

I had a friend recently say to me; "My Mother taught me that my values were meant only for me, which doesn't mean other peoples values should be branded as evil". This rang very true for me, because in this day an age of social media we all tend to openly criticize other peoples values that don't align with ours. I never did this growing up, and I never taught my children to do this either. I listened and learned when I was a child whether I agreed or not. Now that my children are adults, I'm proud that they haven't forgotten the values that were taught to them even when I thought they were not listening.

                                              https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                   https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

  

Beer Snob

I wasn't always a beer snob until recently. Labatt was always my go to beer for many years. I guess when all of the brewing companies started popping up every where it just made me curious. So I was on a mission to try as many different kinds of beer that I could get my hands on. I know what you're thinking. Aren't you afraid of getting a huge beer gut? Well, I did give that some thought, and I figured I would have to cut back on my desserts, and add some extra workout time. After all some beer could be considered a dessert. I started out with wheat beers and Lagers. Then I tried some seasonal beers like summer shanty, and one of my favorites still today, Oktoberfest. Then I would discover that these brewing companies were bottling delicious beers from all over my state, and all over the US readily available at my local liquor store.

When I first walked in and saw the selection of beer to choose from, well, I was like a kid in a candy store. Stouts, Porters, IPAs. You name it, they had it in every flavored beer you could imagine. Creme brulee, mocha. Fig, Chocolate, just to name a few. If there was a beer heaven, this was it. Of course drinking at home would be much more responsible than going to a pub each week to sample, so I usually stop off at beer heaven once a week to pick up a brew on my way home from work. I even joined a beer group on Facebook to give a review and post a pic.What will I do after I've sampled every beer there is available to me? Start all over again, of course.


 

 

https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27 

 https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Knowing When To Call It Quits

I once knew a couple who always fought in public. I could never understand why most of these disagreements couldn't wait until they were at home, or why they even felt the need to have them in public. Everyone feels uncomfortable being around such couples, and their time out together couldn't have been much fun for them either. I'm thinking maybe they want other peoples opinions on whatever it is they were disagreeing about, but most of the disagreements were just putting each other down, which I will not take part in.

Why do some couples stay together if they can't come to a mutual agreement on things, or at least agree to disagree. Do they like having such drama in their lives, or are they just too afraid to face the fact that they are all wrong for each other? I am no stranger to this behavior. This is what finally ended my relationship with my ex-husband. We didn't fight in public, but in the end we disagreed on everything we once agreed on, or at least compromised on in the past. Calling it quits is hard for some couples, and we were definitely one of them.

If you are married you do everything possible to make it work, but if you have children, and you fight constantly, it is not a good way to show them how relationships work. I often wonder if there is anything these couples can do to make it work when one is not willing to be wrong once in awhile. Relationships can get old and repetitious. You can grow apart, and in some cases you subconsciously don't want them to work so you sabotage them by picking fights because you don't want to be the one to end them. I say if you are unhappy in your relationship it's time to call it quits. Hopefully it's something you both can agree on.

                                           https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                 https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Losing Yourself

You finally meet that special someone. You hit it off right away. They are attractive, they are smart, they are a really good person. After you start dating for awhile you start to notice small differences, which you feel you could accept because you really like them, and that's what love is, right, accepting the other person for who they are? What about if this person says they wouldn't approve of certain things that you may have done in the past, or present that they don't know about? Maybe it goes against a religious belief that they feel strongly about. Do you tell them so you are being true to yourself and them? Do you let them decide whether or not they can accept you and your differences, or do you keep it to yourself because you're afraid they may not feel the same way about you?

I see this happen all the time. People suppressing their beliefs, or changing themselves so that special someone likes them. They keep certain things about their life a secret, or they feel what they don't know won't hurt them. This really bothers me. Do they not see the problems this could cause in the future once the truth comes out? Are we so desperate to be with someone we are willing to lose who we are? Yes, I too have been guilty of this.When I was married whatever my spouse didn't like about me, I changed. I changed myself so much to suit him at the end of our 24 year marriage I had no clue who I was. Figuring out who I am wasn't an easy process after that, but I won't lie, or change who I am for anyone ever again.

 Someone once told me that most men want to be with a woman that at least believes in God. They told me this because I'm Agnostic/Atheist. Well, I feel just as strongly about not believing in a God as someone who believes in a God. That's not something I can change. I don't have a problem dating, or even being in a relationship with someone who does believe in God. There are good and bad people no matter what your faith is. I wouldn't want anyone to change what made me fall in love with them in the first place. If I can't win someones heart for being me, then I guess it's not love in the first place.

                                                 https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                       https://twitter.com/debbielynn27 

Another decade

I just recently had a Birthday. I'm not usually bothered by getting older because it seems like the older I get the more content I seem to be. This year though ends a decade of being in my forties. Yes, I turned 50 this year, but my forties seem to have flown by quicker than any other decade. It also marks a decade of big changes in my life, changes I wish I would have made in my thirties. You know the old saying, "Youth is wasted on the young"? I'm starting to believe that now.

Although I feel good, and think I look good for my age, I still think about the stuff I haven't done in my lifetime that I may be too old to do now. And then there are those things I used to do that I physically can't do anymore. Age is just a number, right? Well, it may only be a number, but we all have our limitations. I can't spend my Birthdays staying up to the wee hours of the night partying anymore. I really have no desire to anyway.

 I would like to find a travel companion to see the places I haven't seen outside of the U.S. before I get too old to do so. I often think about if I really want to get married again or not. At this point in my life I would probably like to settle down with someone like myself who has already raised a family, and just wants to focus on enjoying each others company. Making plans for when you get older has never really panned out for me. An unexpected thing called life has always gotten in the way of things.

  So, this next decade I have decided to live each day unplanned. I'm not so sure how my OCD is gonna take it, but flying by the seat of my pants will be my new motto. I can't wait to see where I've been, or what I've done by the time I'm 60. Maybe, just maybe, you and I can grow a decade older together when you are reading my blog in the year 2025.

                                                 https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                      https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

I Want Your Attention

I was listening to a radio talk show the other day, and the topic was "How to get a woman interested in you". Well, being a single woman I was curious to hear how this worked. The talk show hosts had listeners call in, and tell them how they piqued a girls interest. The first caller responded by saying when he first meets a woman he gives them a lot of attention the first night, and then completely ignores them for a couple of weeks. It drives them crazy, and makes them want him even more. The second caller said, if you know a girl likes you, you should ask them about one of their girlfriends. It will make them think about why you're not interested in them, and what they should do to get your attention. At first I laughed and thought, good luck with that one, buddy. But as more men called in they all had similar stories on how they get woman interested.

So let me get this straight. If a man ignores me, he really wants me? If he gives me attention, he's not interested? I'm so confused. This really sounds like they are messing with woman's heads, and is it really necessary? Sometimes I think men make things so much harder than they need to be. If I ignore you, I'm really not interested in you. If I like you, I will give you a lot of attention. If I flirt with you, you can be certain I'm interested. I will not ask you about another man unless I'm interested in another man. It's that simple. If you are flirting with other woman that makes you less attractive to me, and I'm moving on to the next guy. If you can get a woman this way, then you've landed a very insecure woman who will always feel like she has to fight for your attention. And we all know how you men hate possessive woman.

                                               https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                   https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Dinosaur Music

I belong to a couple of music groups on Facebook, which I think are a lot of fun. Recently in one of the groups someone used the term "Dinosaur music" because most of the topics were about music of our past. I do listen to current music, but I will confess, I listen more to the music I grew up listening to. If you think about it so did our parents, and probably theirs as well. I'm sure my kids will do the same. Every generation thinks their music is the best. I remember my parents telling me to "turn that crap down!" Although my children love the music from the 80s, they still on a regular basis listen to the bands from their generation the most.

Music of all kinds is heavily influenced by the generations before them. It would almost be like never discussing American History, and only focusing on current events because it's old news. It's important to go back and reread, listen, educate ourselves, and others about music. When I hear a teenager say that they have never heard of a band that is well known from the past, I feel like someone has failed them. They should know more about music than,"They have a really cute singer" or "It's really easy to dance to".

So take your kids to see a concert of your favorite 80s band. Jam out to Metallica while cleaning your house. Sing together in the car to Led Zeppelin on your next road trip, just like your parents did with you. The future generation depends on it, and it's pay back time for all the Disney, Nickelodeon, and Muppet music you had to listen to when they were younger.

                                       https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                           https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Sorry for your loss

I was recently talking with a friend who was attending a funeral, and wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to wear bright colors. Well, I have been to funerals where I was requested to wear black because in their culture it is a sign of disrespect not to. I think that it is always important to find these things out before attending the funeral. Funerals are basically for the living, but we should always respect the memory of the deceased. I have been to funerals where I felt like it had nothing to do with the person who had passed, and left feeling puzzled thinking did they know this person at all? A funeral should fit the person who has passed personality, their belief system, and honor them in a way they would want to be remembered. Wearing their favorite color, having their favorite flower, and old photos on display would be a few ways.

I personally want my life to be celebrated, not so much grieved. I know that's much harder to do when we lose a loved one at a young age. When my 20 year old younger brother passed away unexpectedly my mother wore pink. I remember thinking how appropriate this was for a young man so full of life. I recently lost an Aunt and I wore purple. The people close to her were able to speak about their memories of her which made it much more personal. Everyone felt the same way about her. She was such a loving, caring person to everyone she knew. I want my funeral to be simple. I don't want my body to be laid out for viewing, but instead I want to be cremated, and my ashes scattered under a fruit tree. So every year when the fruit it ripe you will take a bite, and say, Debbie, sure tastes sweet this year.

                                   https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                       https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Leasing vs Buying

I recently found myself in the position where I needed to buy a new car. I have been putting it off for a while now because I didn't really want a car payment, but started noticing that the money I was spending in car repairs could have easily covered a years worth of car payments. Not to mention the time I spent on my days off in auto repair shops. I was driving a 2001 Audi Quattro Sedan. A really nice car that I bought used, and payed cash for 10 years ago. Any car repairs I needed my handy husband, at the time, took care of. I really didn't start to notice how expensive this car was to maintain until after my divorce almost 3 years ago. All Audi parts have to be ordered through the dealership, and can cost almost double of what the parts cost for American cars. Even my oil changes would run me anywhere from $70 to $100 depending on if it needed new filters or not.

I really loved my Audi, it was fully loaded with all the luxuries you could ask for in an older car, and I named him, Sussman, which means sweet man in German. Doesn't everyone name their cars? My last trip to the auto repair shop convinced me that, Sussman, had to go. I was given a $2000 quote in front end repairs and the blue book value of the car was only a thousand more. Buying a new car on my own was something I have never done before, but I've been doing a lot of things that I've never done before in the last 2 1/2 years, and have been doing just fine. I mean, why should a car be any different? I first had to decide do I really want to buy another used car? No, definitely not. I might just inherit someone else's car issues, and have car repair bills on top of a payment. But on the other hand I am a single woman who is trying to start her life over after a divorce, and my income has dropped drastically.

I knew for sure the next car I get had to be a new one, but should I lease or buy? So I weighed out the pro's and cons, and thought although it would be nice some day to not have a car payment after I bought the car, chances are the car would need repairing once again after the car is payed off. I would also have a much higher car payment than I really could afford when buying a new car. I don't drive a lot, or very far to get to work, so if I leased a car I could get a much lower payment and not worry about going over my yearly car mileage. Getting a new car every 3 years wouldn't be such a bad thing either if I could keep my payments low enough. So I went to the car dealership, and told them what I wanted to pay monthly, and it turned out leasing was much more affordable. I even got a fair price for, Sussman, as a down payment, and drove out of there a few hours later with a 3 year lease on a new car I call, The Bullet. With remote start, heated seats, and a reverse camera so I don't back into anything. Not that I ever have. Just wanted to make that clear.  

                                     https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                          https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Dog vs Cat

I have always been a person who preferred dogs over cats. Well, I've really only had the pleasure of owning two dogs in my life time, and that wasn't until after I was married. My first dog was a 100 lb German Shepherd named, Max. After the movie Mad Max. I was a huge Mel Gibson fan at the time, and that was one of my favorite movies growing up. Max was a big sweetheart, he would always try to sit in my lap, which we all knew wasn't gonna happen. We had to buy a Yukon just so we could take him to the vet, and up north with us. Every time I took him for walks the neighbors would always tease me by asking me who was walking whom? I was only a 115 lbs at the time, so he really was pulling me down the street. We got Max when he was 6 months old, and he was the runt of the litter, believe it or not. I can't imagine what his siblings weighed. His father weighed 110 lb, and his Mother 80 lb. He died 4 years later for unknown reasons. A very sad day for the whole family. I swore I would never get another dog because of the heartache we all felt when he passed.

Two years later when my ex-husband was on a snowmobile trip with the guys, I took my kids to the pet store just to look at the puppies, and ended up bringing home a Fox Terrier that we named, Bud. I know what you are thinking. You just went to look at the puppies? I remember him throwing up on my son on the car ride home, and my son yelling from the back seat, "He got sick on me, Mom, pull over". I figured it was payback for all the times he got sick on me. He was a sweet little dog, at first, and didn't really chew up anything. I was a stay at home mom, so I was able to potty train him quickly. After that first year he had gotten really attached to me. I guess because we spent so much time together.You couldn't sit by me. You couldn't hug me, or even look at me the wrong way, or this dog went into attack mode. Yeah, he was a little jerk, but I loved that dog with all my heart. 15 years later he had all kinds of heath issues. Lost both of his eyes, and his organs began to shut down. It was time to let the little guy go. Shortly after putting, Bud, down I had gotten a divorce and moved to a condo.

 I was still heart broken over the loss of my beloved Fox Terrier, so I waited a couple years before I decided to get another pet. This time I thought a cat would work better for me since I lived alone and in a condo. I was never really fond of cats, mostly because the cats that I've been around were not affectionate, or they were too aggressive. I decided I would adopted one from the humane society instead of a breeder. When I got to the Humane Society I entered a room full of caged kitties. The very first one I noticed had its face pressed against the cage looking right at me saying," pick me, pick me". In kitty language, of course. She was a tortoise shell color, and very tiny even though she was 11 months old. They took her out of the cage, and we immediately bonded. She was so affectionate, and so sweet. I didn't need to hold any other cat. She was the one. I named her Luna. I call her Loony Luna because she can get a little crazy sometimes, but she is very entertaining. She follows me wherever I go in my condo. She's so fascinated with watching the toilet flush, and playing in the bathtub. I mentioned she was loony, right? Four months later I couldn't imagine life without my Luna. I guess I'm a cat person after all.

                                            https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                              https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Make it happen

I often complained about the outcome of some of the choices I have made in my life that I wasn't happy about, but never really seemed to do anything to change them. I basically accepted things as being my fate. Someone told me once that I needed to own my choices. My problem wasn't that I couldn't own them, I just never tried to make things better. I always felt like I should sacrifice my happiness for others, which made me even more miserable. You know the old saying "You made your bed now lie in it"? How long was I expected to do this, and if things were bad shouldn't I make the changes necessary to make them better?

We all make mistakes, and nothing will change that unless we are willing to change it for ourselves. We can't pray it away, we can't wish it away, and we can't hope that things will get better. We must take action. To assume we must live with the choices we have made because we are worried about what others may think of us, is just counterproductive. People talk about forgiveness all the time, but sometimes forgiving ourselves is much harder than forgiving others. I spent too many years in a rut of despair, which I know now hurt the people I love the most in my life. I should have gotten out of that situation sooner.

Now that I have finally woke up from my 5 year coma, and started to change the things that have made me unhappy, everything has just started to fall into to place. I've taken charge of my life, and I stopped looking back. I don't let others control my happiness anymore. Life is finally moving forward, and is no longer at a standstill. I am a changed person. I am now able to make better decisions, which means less drama, less confusion, and less stress. Life has become harmonious. What are you waiting for? Make it happen.

                                           https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                               https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Age Appropriate

The older I get the more I hear other woman talk about clothes and hair styles that are age appropriate. I get confused by this rule a lot. As a young woman I was always a modest dresser. I usually followed the "Dress like you're a mother" rule, over the "Age appropriate" rule. Now that I'm almost 49 I tend to wear what I like, and have thrown all the rules out the window. I think at any age you should dress more to your body type if you are going to follow any rule at all. My slim long legs are my best asset, but I don't think a woman at my age, or any age for that matter, should be dressed in short shorts or micro mini's. I will however show my legs off with an inch or two above the knee. Okay, maybe sometimes I go shorter, but you will never see my cuchi or my butt cheeks hanging out. Lets leave a little to the imagination, ladies.

I recently had  about 4 inches taken off the length of my hair, and was told it made me look younger. Most woman when they reach a certain age think its "age appropriate" to cut your hair short, but I personally think I have always looked better with shoulder length hair or a little above. It really depends on your facial features, and the shape of your face. I've always wanted to let my grey hair grow in, but every time I do I see my grandmother in the mirror so I may hold off on that for a while. Some woman look stunning in grey, so I guess I'll leave it to the woman that can wear it well. I really have been in the mood to be a little more edgy with my look. Something I've always been afraid to do. I just may surprise everyone one of these days. 

I say wear what you want if you love it, and feel comfortable in it. Follow your body type, and just go for it. Have you seen what the clothes designers look like that make up these rules? Yeah, god awful sometimes. Figure out what your best asset is, and enhance it. Have fun with your look. It's only hair, it will grow back. I'm tired of looking like the next girl. I'm tired of looking like someones mother. I want to have different looks. Classic one day, and edgy the next. I want to be unpredictable. I want people to notice me when I walk in a room and say, damn, she looks good. And not, damn, she looks good for her age.

                                               https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                    https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Mortality

 Now that I work with the elderly thoughts of my own mortality frequently enter my mind. When I first started working at the nursing home I wasn't sure I could handle watching people suffer on a daily basis at the end of their lives. Of course not all of them are suffering, most of them make the best of their situation that life has dealt to them, others have no control over the diseases that have riddled their minds and bodies. They depend on others to make life as comfortable as possible. In some of those cases they will live out the rest of their lives in a nursing home. When I enter a residents room I always wear a smile. I really do like my job. What better way to make a living than to serve others? Some of the residents have old pictures of themselves from their younger years hanging on their walls, and are often eager to share a story or two. Stories about serving in a war, coming to America for the first time from abroad, or reminiscing about a spouse that has since passed. Some of them have no family, and others have family that visit often. You get to know all of them as well. I wish I had more time to spend with each one of them, but of course there is work to be done.

When a resident passes it's always heartbreaking, but at the same time it can make you feel at peace because I know that most of them were ready to rest their weary bodies. You can usually tell when someone is ready to let go. It's something you see and just feel after working here for awhile. Of course there are some exceptions. I just recently had an Aunt pass away, and I never saw it coming. She wasn't in a nursing home, and she cared for herself. Over 25 years ago she started to have bad headaches, and they discovered she had several small aneurysms in her brain. She had a total of 3 brain surgeries to remove the ones they thought would kill her, but she had more they would find that they would have to leave. It was just too dangerous for her to have anymore surgeries. I was in my early 20s and she was in her early 40s. After opening up someones head 3 times there is gonna be some damage. She was not the same person who helped to raise me in my teens. She had to be taught the simplest tasks all over again. They told us she would never recover to a functioning adult, and would probably not live but a few more years. Well, they were wrong. Almost 30 years later she was still with us and functioning on her own. When I was told of her passing, one of the first things that went through my mind was a poem I had recently read by Edgar Allen Poe...

                                                         
                                                        Rest in peace my sweet, Azeal

                                               https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                     https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

I love music

Listening to our favorite music can trigger all kinds of memories and emotions. It can remind us of a certain someone or a time and place. Most of us grew up listening to our favorite music for hours at a time. In our cars, at home, or just hanging out with friends. Music was playing in our house much more than we watched TV. Of course this was before there was cable television. We may have had video games, but never really played them as much as today's kids do. As a young girl growing up in the 70s I remember my Dad playing his music from the 50s that he grew up listening to like Dean Martin, Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, and Johnny Cash to name a few. Motown was also played in our house hold, along with the rock music of that era. As we get older we start to grow into our own style of music, mostly to what our generation has evolved to.

When MTV came along it changed everything. Not only did we get to listen to our favorite music, but we got to see what our favorite bands looked like. I remember going to friends houses and sitting for hours watching MTV. We would actually have MTV parties. My taste in music was all over the place. I listened to everything from Black Sabbath to Prince. Motor Head to INXS. The 80s was a really fun time in music, and I still love to listen to it. When my son was in High School he used to tell me how lucky I was to have been his age in the 80s. He really liked 80s music at the time, and when others were wearing those sagging jeans he was wearing tight fitted jeans, and grew his hair long. Yes, I have the pictures to prove it.

By the time the 90s arrived I was married, and had two kids. I knew the songs to every Disney, Nickelodeon, and Muppet show. Of course I did make my kids listen to what I wanted to hear in the car. Pearl Jam, Sound Garden, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Off Spring were a few favorites. They started to like it, but of course grew into their own taste of music with up and coming bands of their generation. I remember my son listening to death metal at one point in his teen years, and that music literally scared the bejesus out of me. Now that he's grown we sometimes go to concerts together, and he will recommend bands that he thinks I would like to add to my stations on Pandora. No death metal though, I prefer a more upbeat type of music.


Music is expression. It can motivate us. It can tell a story. It can tell people who we are...

                                                    https://twitter.com/debbielynn27
                                              https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27

I want to ride my bicycle

I decided I wanted to start riding my bike again after a 10 year hiatus, of course after being influenced by a couple of male friends of mine who always post their biking adventures online. I used to ride the beautiful nature trails in and around the area I lived in with my ex husband and children many moons ago, and wondered recently why I gave it up? As I pulled out all the essentials I had packed away, I started to look up trails that were in my area online. I found a trail very close to my condo, one I could just ride to, and that would be the first trail I tried. So I dusted the old schwinn off, oiled the chain, added air to the tires, and off I went.

As I began my journey, I had to to ride a 1/2 mile to get to the entrance of the trail which was mostly up hill. As I struggled to reach the top of the hill I started to lose my breath. My lungs started to tighten, then I started to breathe heavy, and I still hadn't reached the trail yet. Once I got to the entrance of the trial I stopped to let a group of male bicyclists pass and go ahead of me. You didn't think I would take the chance of being mowed down on my first day out, did you? It wasn't too long before they were out of my view. I started at a steady pace until the paved path turned into a gravel path which of course wasn't the same smooth ride, so I picked up the pace a little.

It was a beautiful spring day, but I knew once the leaves had grown in it would be even more of a beautiful ride, not to mention the rushing sound of the Clinton River that lined the edges of the trail.
I passed a few other bicyclists that nodded their heads at me as they passed by in the opposite direction. I was starting to feel like I could definitely get used to this type of workout, and would never get bored with it. It was a 60 degree day with a gentle breeze, and the sun was out in full force. Being in nature is calming, relaxing, and can change your mood in an instant. Unlike my stationary bike I've been using all winter. I think I'm hooked once again, and will be making bicycling one of my outdoor workouts, at least until it gets cold again.

Happy trails to you, until we meet again...

                                                  https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                        https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Unsolicited advice

When I was a kid I could eat anything I wanted without gaining weight. I was a tall skinny girl who loved her junk food. I even spent my entire allowance on candy each week. I could eat a whole chocolate cream pie to myself, which didn't make my siblings very happy with me. Sugar played a huge roll in my everyday diet, and I burned most of those calories off by spending my time outdoors doing any activity that involved running, climbing, and jumping like most kids my age did. Whenever I went to a friends house to play their parents were always trying to feed me. Maybe they thought I was starving because of my petite size. As I reached my teens my metabolism stayed the same even though I wasn't as active, and still had very bad eating habits, like going to Burger King or Wendy's for a late night snack.

As an adult I could probably out eat any grown man. Seconds, Debbie? Why yes, don't mind if I do. After I was married, and became pregnant with my first child I put on 40 pounds, which came right back off within a few weeks after giving birth. My body wasn't as firm post baby so I decided I would join a gym 3 days a week, and with baby in stroller I walked every evening to get back into shape. I did change to a healthier diet, but could never really give up my sweet tooth. I did however give up fast food, and soft drinks except for an occasional vernors, and I did start to notice a big difference in how I felt. So I spent the last 20 years eating anything I liked in moderation, working out with free weights and doing cardio exercise's. I just don't feel the need to deprive myself of the things I love. This seems to work for me in keeping my healthy small physique.

I get criticized all the time for the way I eat. I've been told I eat too many bad carbs and sweets. I also get criticized for my love of beer. I guess only wine drinking is acceptable for a lady. Whatever! People are always trying to give me advice. What do I say to that? I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, allergies, I'm not lactose intolerant, nor do I have any other health issues of any kind. I'm definitely not over weight. I have a physical every two years and I receive a clean bill of health. Would my life style work for everyone? No, of course not. What works for you, may not work for me, either. That's why I don't really discuss, give advice, or post on social network sites my eating, or workout habits because chances are you need to figure out what works for your body type to keep your health in check. So before you criticize me for eating meat, cake, ice cream, and drinking my favorite beer. Just stop yourself because this chickadee is sticking with what works for her.

        
                                                 https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                       https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Do opposites attract?

Do opposites attract? Relationships are about getting our own needs met, often on an unconscious basis. In other words, we try to find someone who is complementary to us and can help us learn, heal, and grow. People tend to look for almost a clone of themselves. They are very specific, too specific, I think. In the real world you may find more appeal in someone who is different in some ways. The key is, which ways? If the persons values and ways they want to spend time are different, this could lead to big trouble. Once people do notice the differences, that's where the changing comes in. One tries to change the other. This can eliminate the opposite traits that were tantalizing in the first place. So much depends on the willingness to be tolerant of the differences. It helps if one person in the couple is more easy going than the other.

 As my friend, John, said about his relationship; "She is my yang for my ying." He also said; "I believe that opposites attract for a reason, but many spend too much time looking at the partner or themselves instead of us or we. Your opposites traits could be very complementary. You could definitely balance each other. Loving your partner means accepting their flaws as your own and boosting their negatives with your positives (and visa-versa)". I believe this to be true, and though I do find myself to be attracted to men who have similar interests, my heart tends to beat faster for the guy that can give me new experiences. 

                                                          https://twitter.com/debbielynn27
                                                    https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27

Panic Attack

Growing up I often suffered from panic attacks, you know, when your heart starts beating fast and you start to hyperventilate?  I would have panic attacks whenever I felt under pressure, like during a test or meeting new people. I would first start to sweat, then the anxiety would set in which would cause me to shake uncontrollably. This would happen to me in any situation that I felt very uncomfortable in. This could be debilitating at times which made it hard for me to live a normal life. Of course at the time we didn't have names for these disorders like they do today. We weren't taken to the doctor for them, or treated with medication. I basically had to learn to cope on my own, which meant I just avoided doing things that caused me to have them.The older I got the more I realized that I couldn't go through life avoiding uncomfortable situations, but I wanted to come up with a drug free solution to my problem.

 Most would say you have to conquer your fears head on, but making yourself do stuff the way other people do without these disorders isn't always the best solution. So I started with building my self confidence. Doing things that would make me feel good about myself. I figured I would start with my physical appearance by exercising and eating healthy. I just had my first child, and wasn't really ever a health conscious person before getting pregnant. Then I took a few enrichment classes that would help me to interact with other people and learn some new skills. I am not a expert on anxiety disorders, but I knew a lot of what I was feeling had to be caused by low self esteem. Once I started feeling good about myself the panic attacks gradually went away and I was able to socialize, and do things under pressure without that debilitating anxiety. Do you get anxiety or panic attacks, and if so, what works to help keep them under control?

                                                         https://twitter.com/debbielynn27
                                                     https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27

The end of a friendship.

I have had two really close friendships that came to an end for reasons that never really became clear to me. Both were friendships with females that started back in middle school, and had ended after two significant events that had occurred in my life. One being getting married, and the other when I divorced. The first assumption I came to was my life had changed drastically in both events, and maybe it could have changed me to where these two woman thought they had nothing or little in common with me anymore. The second assumption would be these woman weren't really as close of friends as I had thought. Why should either of those events effect a friendship?

I tried several times to reach out to these woman to talk through any differences or conflicts they may have had with me, with no prevail. Which made me come to the realization that if someone wants to be in your life, they will. You shouldn't have to do anything to try and keep them in your life unless you have wronged them some how, and then you need to make it right. Neither one of them accused me of that. As painful as it was to me I had to just let it go. These two woman had issues that made them decide they no longer wanted to be part of my life, and I just needed to accept that.

Since then I have met a wonderful group of woman who have help me, and supported me through the roughest time of my life. A group of woman I look up to, and have taught me to be strong and grow into the woman I never thought I could be. Woman who have treated me as if they have known me for a life time. Woman with their own special uniqueness. Woman I am proud to call my friends. Friendships come and go, that is just part of life. I often think of these two woman, and wonder what they are doing. I believe every friendship, good or bad, can contribute valuable lessons. I hope they are thinking of me too.

                                                https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                      https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Love the One You're With

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love honey
Love the one you're with ~ Stephen Stills


There was something about the lyrics of this song that never really sat right with me until now. I used to think the song lyrics meant that it was okay to settle. Wasting your time loving someone that doesn't feel the same way in return can surely be torture. We all have been there at some point in our lives. Some would say to love the one you're with could help you to over come the heartache, but I'm not so sure I would want to be with someone who is longing for someone other than me. Should we move on before loving the one we are with or would that qualify as moving on? Is it fair to your new love interest to start something before your heart is ready to be given to them?

 I often think about how we get over heartache, and in some cases I'm sure we never do. Can we learn to love another as much as we did the last? I think we can. When I first found out I was pregnant with my second baby my first thought was how will I ever feel the same deep love for my second child as I did for my first? Well, of course when she was born it was instant. It was a different kind of love, but just as significant as the love I had for my son. In relationships its the same way we can love another for who they are as individuals, and just as much as we loved the last. Just like we do with our parents, friends and siblings. Life is too short to spend our time thinking of someone we will never be with. To never love another is where you would be settling.  


Don't be angry - don't be sad
Don't sit crying over good times you've had
There's a girl right next to you
And she's just waiting for something to do

Turn your heartache right into joy
'Cause she's a girl and you're a boy
Get it together come on make it nice
You ain't gonna need anymore advice

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love honey
Love the one you're with
 
Dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit   dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit.   dit dit dit   dit dit dit

A life without trees

Imagine a life without trees. I know, it's too sad to think about it, but imagining something is gone will only make us appreciate it more. We wouldn't be able to sit in the shade. We couldn't climb them to pick the perfect apple. We could no longer take a walk in the woods. No more bonfires to sit around. No more watching the leaves change color. No more listening to the branches blowing in the wind. No more maple syrup for our pancakes. No more pine scent from a real pine tree. No place for birds to perch. landscapes would look bare. No more fruit or nuts to eat. How would we ever know what season it is? The water and air we breathe would be polluted. They provide oxygen...

Wood you believe we get so much from trees?

dye, piano keys, rayon, books, fishing floats, inks, telephone books, varnish, atlases and maps, price tags, ping pong balls, tires, umbrella handles, walking sticks, signs, automobile instrument panels, space craft reentry shields, newspapers, photographic film, posters, football helmets, toilet seats, guitars, road building materials, insulation, shatterproof glass, artificial vanilla flavoring, cork, vacuum bags, movies, stadium seats, adhesive, decorations, turpentine, camphor, waxes, fireworks, crayons, tannin, charcoal, pine oil, pitch, musical instruments, toilet paper, milk cartons, flooring, bark for landscaping, cardboard, grocery bags, furniture, chewing gum, paper towel, oil spill control agents, christmas trees, hockey sticks, wildlife habitat, cosmetics, roofs, baby food, cider, vitamins, cooking utensils, lacquer, pallets, rubber gloves, mulch, clean water, golf tees, egg cartons, nail polish, fence post, toys, toothpaste, eyeglass frames, shampoo, menthol, electrical outlets, plates and bowls, sausage casing, rulers, wooden blocks, houses, medicine, notebook paper, oars, plywood, paper plates, computer casing, stain remover, coffee filters, toothpicks, diapers, particle board, sponge, bowing ally lanes, fruit pie filling, golf balls, pencils, drywall, baseball bats, lumber, railroad ties, stamps, stairways, axe handles, barrels, cutting boards, church pews, totem poles, desks, fishing boats, window frames, food labels, step ladders...    


                                                  How many tree products can you list?

                                                               
                                                  https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27
                                                        https://twitter.com/debbielynn27

Dreams

I often have very vivid dreams, so vivid at times I wake up in a panic. It makes me wonder if our dreams are really trying to tell us something. I have two dream books that I use to try an analyze my dreams. I use two because I don't want any contradictions. I know most people think they are just a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I don't think the messages in our dreams are sent to us from a higher power or some spiritual place. I believe it's our own subconscious mind trying to tell us something. Most of the time these messages don't become clear to me until months later. That's why when people tell me not to over think things, I usually do the opposite because the messages become clear to me over time. I guess you could compare it to a person of faith that prays about things to get the answers they need.

Most of the dreams really have the opposite meaning of what I originally think they mean. For example, having a dream you are pregnant doesn't mean you will be expecting a baby soon. It means your life will be starting a new beginning, or you should start thinking about starting over in some area in your life that isn't working out for you. A chance to start over with a new partner, a new job, or maybe moving to a new location. But what about those people that don't remember their dreams? Well, I think that most of us have daydreams or premonitions that we out right ignore because we are so caught up in the hustle and bustle of day to day life. I think of it as my problem solving time, and I often get caught zoning out to think about things during my day.

I had this reoccurring dream for the past 20 years that I was back in High School, and I was wandering the hallways looking for my classes. I was walking in circles, and always ended up at my locker. I never could find any of my classes every time I had that dream. Not much different from when I was in school only I was ditching those classes. When I looked it up in my dream book it said; " I have a thirst for knowledge." Maybe my subconscious mind was trying to tell me I should have taken school more seriously. I haven't had that dream in a long time. Do you think I finally earned that High School diploma?

                                                        https://twitter.com/debbielynn27
                                                 https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27

The single life

I have been single for almost 4 years now for the first time in my adult life. Have I attempted to date much since then? No, not really. You would think I have some fatal disease that everyone is trying to cure me of when I tell them this. Then they usually reply with "You really need to put yourself out there" or "that's okay, you'll find someone soon enough." What? I didn't really give it too much thought until you just now mentioned it to me. I don't wake up planning my day around meeting someone, and I'm not really too sure it works that way anyhow. It's almost as if people feel sorry for me, and constantly want to reassure me that there is someone out there for me. I guess I never really noticed the stigma people put on being single until I became single.

 When I was married I often envied single people, and never spent my time feeling sorry for them. I definitely didn't feel a need to fix them up, or give them advice on how to meet someone. They had so much more freedom to do whatever they wanted. They made all of their own decisions. They got to come and go as they please. There was something so liberating about that to me. I already lived the married life, raised a family, and devoted my life to others. Now I get a chance to live a life I've never lived before, and focus on me. Well, at least until the grandchildren come. So don't feel sorry for me, be excited for me because whether I find someone or not, the best is yet to come.

                                                      https://twitter.com/debbielynn27
                                               https://www.facebook.com/debbielynn27