What is love?

Love makes the world go round. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.We accept the love we think we deserve.You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind. Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it. It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. One is loved because one loved. No reason is needed for loving. We love the things we love for what they are.Where there is love there is life. So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary. We loved with a love that was more than love. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness. Love is a fire, but whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new. It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. When love is not madness it is not love. If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.


                                 What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!

 

You're so vain

When I write my blogs I do get the information that I write about from watching other people. Mostly by the people that are around me, or interact with on social media. Who else would I write about? The blog title is "Its been on my mind" after all. I mean, don't get me wrong I have experienced most of the things I write about, but in general all of us have. I stopped blogging for a while because of the angry messages I would receive from friends who thought I was blogging about them. In most cases I was, but I never used names, and I only wrote the things that really happened. I never write a blog to be mean spirited. Maybe they just didn't like the way they were perceived by me, and need to justify behavior they don't realize they are doing. I seem to offend people by writing about their actions.

I have been written about in the past by a former friend who is a blogger. He did inspire me to write. I won't mention his name, but I didn't like the way I was perceived by him either. It did get me thinking about if others perceived me the same way. Was I playing a victim to my own circumstances, or was I really a victim? Well, after some pondering I realized you can't be a victim unless you allow it, and it helped me to "own it" like he suggested in his blog. It did help me to move forward. I'm in no way saying I have all the answers when I write, but I would like to get others to think about how they are perceived. Do I think he wrote the blog about me to be mean? No. In fact I'm pretty sure he's quite fond of me, but I do think all of us need to see how the world perceives us so we can be the best people we can be.

           I actually returned the favor, and wrote a blog about him. Can you guess which one?

Here comes the judge.

I'm trying to wrap my head around those people who think they can pass judgement on what other people post on Facebook. I received a notification recently saying that a photo I had posted back in 2011 was reported as having nudity in it and was removed. Then Facebook put up a group of photos I had recently posted the day before, and asked me to select any photos in the group that also had nudity in them so they could be deleted as well. Of course there were not any pics of nudity in the bunch, they were all pics of landscapes that I had taken while on a walk. Now wait one picking minute! You mean to tell me that Facebook didn't know that these recent pics were of tree's changing color? Doesn't that also mean that Facebook took the word of the person who reported my pic as nudity? So anyone can basically say someone posted an inappropriate pic, meme, or comment and FB will remove it without actually looking at it.

Why am I so upset about this? Well, there was not any nudity in the pic, and some of the comments were from a friend who had died shortly after that. We were just having fun, and I can never get them back. Couldn't this person have deleted me instead? When someone deletes me I don't take it personal, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but to feel you have the need to judge what I post instead of deleting me doesn't say too much about you. I've had people rip my character apart on some of the news articles I have posted in the past. Good people with good intentions don't do that. I always know when I've struck a chord the minute you start to attack my character, and it shows everyone else you don't have good character. You need to keep scrolling and mind your own business, or delete me. Most of the people on my list of friends are good, kind, people with a few who tend to be self righteous, and expect the world to behave by their guidelines.

So why do people judge? We don't know a person well enough? We can not Identify with another persons belief system, values, or behavior? That person somehow threatens how we perceive ourselves? For me personally, when I judge for the second and third reasons, I have especially negative emotions and thoughts toward others. I try hard not to judge, and have been doing so less and less, but I still have a ways to go. I’m not saying that we all have to learn to stop judging others. Maybe it isn’t even possible to do so because of the way we’re wired as human beings. But what we can learn is that our judgments mostly have to do with us, not the people we judge, and the same is true when others judge us. In most cases, we judge others in order to feel better about ourselves, because we are lacking self-acceptance and self-love. If we could learn to embrace ourselves as we truly are, would we still be so judgmental toward others? Most likely not. We would no longer need a reason to put someone else down just to raise ourselves up.

Starting Over.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd be starting over after being married for 24 years. I really hate the whole dating process. You put yourself out there in a some what awkward position to sell yourself to a person you have never met before. First impressions can either lead to a second date, or you may never hear from them again. I never dated before I was married, so after my divorce I didn't really know how to meet or approach men. I met my ex husband when we were in our teens, another awkward stage in life, but I must say we hit it off immediately. We were inseparable from that day on. Sometimes I wish there was a boyfriend store you could go to, browse the aisles, pick which guy you thought would be a perfect match and bring him home. Well, maybe not my home at first, but you know what I mean.

 What to talk about can only involve the life you lived with your ex, and who wants to hear about that? I never really realized how hard it would be to meet single men, but at my age most of them are married or in long term relationships. The ones that are single usually become friends because there is no chemistry between us. Dating after a long marriage can be a little strange because most men later in life are set in their ways. So you either put up with their bad habits or stay single for the rest of your life. Starting over later in life can be much more complicated than when you were younger. There is so much more baggage you both have to deal with. I mean lets face it whether we wanted to divorce or not we all have issues we bring into our new relationships.

I'm happy in my life alone, but finding that same happy life with a new love interest can be a struggle. Combining two well lived lives can be frustrating at times. I'm less likely to put up with the same stuff I put up with in my last relationship. I mean what's the point of starting over with someone new if he acts the same way your ex did? That perfect someone who thinks I'm perfect as well doesn't seem to exist. That fun loving guy who is tired of the game playing, and just wants to enjoy the rest of his life carefree with me. My other half is out there somewhere...

  

Overused Words

When we overuse words to express ourselves do you find those words lose there meaning? There are words that writers steer away from for this reason. My biggest pet peeve for overused words is the word love. I see people use it nonchalantly all the time, especially when they are expressing how they feel towards someone they really think is a great person. By using it towards someone you are only fond of, does it take away from the deep true meaning of love? Yes, because if you over use it on every little thing you really like, it becomes meaningless. Hate would be another overused word I dislike. I know what you are thinking, you shouldn't hate anything or anyone, but if you stop using it for everything you dislike, when you do use it I'll know you really mean it.

• literally: Originally meant “in a literal or strict sense,” but is used as a more general intensifier for things that are not strictly true. Because of this, “in a figurative sense,” the exact opposite of the original meaning, has now been added to the dictionary as a definition for literally.
• unique: Originally meant “unlike anything else,” but is used to mean “different, to some degree, from the standard or the norm.”
• awesome: Originally meant “causing feelings of fear or wonder,” but is used as a general, positive descriptor like “great” or “cool.”
• amazing: Originally meant “causing overwhelming surprise or astonishment,” but is used as a general, positive descriptor like “great” or “cool.”
• totally: Originally meant “completely, in every part,” but is now used as a general intensifier, much like “really.”
• basically: Originally meant “essentially” or “fundamentally,” but is now used as general verbal filler.
• incredible: Originally meant “impossible to believe,” but is now used as a general, positive descriptor like “great” or “cool.”
• really: Originally meant “actually true,” but is now used frequently as a general intensifier.
• very: Meaning “to a high degree,” we all just need to stop using it in every other sentence.
• honestly: Originally meant “in an honest and genuine manner,” but is now often used as general verbal filler.
• absolutely: Originally meant “in a complete and total manner,” but is now used as a general intensifier.
• unbelievable: Originally meant “impossible to believe,” but is now used as a general, positive descriptor.

                                    

                                          Do you love my blogs, or do you really like them?
                                    

Follow Your Gut

I consider myself to be an honest, loyal person. I don't have a deceitful bone in my body. I do have trust issues that stem back to childhood that I'm still working on, so when I meet new people I do have my guard up, but those who earn my trust are generally good people. Those who don't earn my trust, the guard goes up. I just can't bring myself to waste precious time to let them gain it when I feel trust should be automatic with someone with good intentions. A friend recently gave me some advice. She told me I should hear someone out that I was feeling leery about, and then watch their actions afterwards, so I did. I liked what I heard, but after their words reassured me that this person had good intentions I admittedly let my guard down. Weeks went by and I started to notice their actions were not in tune with their words.

I rarely have a gut reaction to day to day decisions. I mostly get a gut reaction when it comes to people, and this was physically making me uneasy. I basically think if someone wants to be a part of your life, they will make an effort to do so. No excuses, you prioritize someone that is important to you. I just feel as though it will never get to a serious relationship if you are constantly having to get reacquainted. Maybe this is what this person wants, something casual until they find something better, and I don't want to be someones option. I also don't want to be one of those insecure people that constantly needs to be reassured that they are wanted. This pretty much goes for friendships too. Follow your gut, it's trying to tell you something,

A living wage

I recently was told I was getting a living wage pay raise of 2%. I think that's equivalent to 25 cents. Don't worry, I won't spend it all in one place. I get the whole argument that not all jobs are meant to live off of, and that getting an education is important, but that doesn't come cheap. Most of the people that make this argument didn't necessarily need degrees to enter their decent paying jobs like my father and grandfather did. My ex-husband is another example of someone who started at the bottom and worked his way up the ladder to make what most kids today need an engineering degree for. So is it fair to say that people don't deserve a wage they can actually live off of? Do we even have jobs you can work your way up the ladder without having to go thousands of dollars into debt?

 I work a very physical job, one that is very intricate. One that is very important to the health of the hospitals patients I work for, but yet we are the least payed out of all the hospital workers including cafeteria workers. I've looked at living pay wage scales, and depending on the state and county you live in, a single adult should be able to live off of $21,000 per year before taxes. Could you live off of $21,000 annually before taxes? Should we be calling these people lazy if they can't? What if you put one child into the factor? The pay scale says $46,000 annually before taxes for one adult and one child. Well, lucky for me I've never had to raise a child by myself, but I'm sure it takes more than $46,000 annually to do so, and I know single mothers that make well under that.                                                                           

 I don't have all the answers, but I do have a lot of questions. What is going to happen to future generations of kids who have degrees that there are no jobs for as they accumulate debt? Now that the retirement age has gone up what jobs will retirees live off of when they can no longer do their jobs? Don't we want people to get off of welfare, and pay their own way? Why in 1978 was someone able to work a summer full time job for minimum wage, and afford a years college tuition? Is taxation theft? And last, but not least, will I ever get married again? What does that have to do with a living wage? Nothing, I guess, but wouldn't you like to know?

 

Woman vs Woman

Why do some woman bash other woman?  Do they feel they are in competition, and if so, for what? Men, jobs, social status, or material things?  These woman are just down right mean and insecure. These woman work tirelessly to create a false version of themselves based on someone else's dreams, plans and goals. I will say I may not like all woman, but I have never tried to compete with one. Except that one time in 8th grade when my friend Jenny and I competed for the attention of the same boy, but neither one of us got him so that really wasn't worth it for either one of us in the end. Now that I'm a grown woman I usually get my heart broken in silence instead of trying to compete, as I watch them sail off into the sunset together. That has only happened once since my divorce, and Johnny Depp and his child bride are already calling it quits. Touche!

I tend to get along better with woman that are closer to my mom's age, and woman young enough to be my daughters age. Woman that are older than me like how I listen to them, and look up to them for advise. Younger woman, I think, like me because I compliment them and build them up, and never talk down to them. For the most part men can be clumped into a couple of categories, but woman have multiple categories, and depending on the situation you can get very confused by them. I do, and I'm one of them. Woman can be vindictive, back stabbing, jealous, emotional creatures, who would do just about anything to get what they want.

 I know what you are thinking. Men can behave this way too, but in all honesty I haven't encountered as many men that act this way as I do woman. Woman who admire other woman's strength can only do so because they know what is required to develop that strength. These woman haven't the time to compete or the energy to waste on envy because they understand and identify with the challenging nature of success. I didn't write this blog to bash woman. I wrote this blog to unite woman, and to make them see that woman need other woman to succeed. We need to stick together, and stop competing because there is nothing better than the support, love, dedication and friendship of another woman. They can really be a lifeline, confidant, nurturer, and a confidence booster if you meet the right ones. Lets face it, they know where the best shoe deals are too...

                                                                       My Bestie

 

You Have Been Blocked!

That good ole block setting on your social media sites is the greatest invention since caller ID, right? We don't ever have to communicate with that annoying individual again without any explanation. I have about 10 people blocked myself. Mostly men who I feel have crossed the line, and could become potential stalkers. I do also have a couple woman blocked who are not even on my friend list that have clearly escaped from the phych ward. If I have an acquaintance on my friend list who only added me to sell me something, I will delete you, but never block you. I know there is a "hide" feature, but if I don't know you, and you don't interact on my posts, or I on yours, really what's the point of us being friends? It's nothing personal, I just like to keep people on my personal page to at least acquaintance status.

 I will never block a former friend who I no longer speak or interact with. I don't hold a grudge against you, I just don't see the point in having a former friend all up in my business. Just like I probably wouldn't want an ex boyfriend, or ex husband on my list of friends. Of course I only have one of them, and he's not on social media of any kind. That is unless he has me blocked. Yes, this sweet ray of sunshine has been blocked herself .

 I can always tell when someone has blocked me by a mutual friends post who are interacting with someone I can't see the comments of. I was just blocked by a former friend and neighbor whom I deleted because they thought they were punishing me by not talking to me, and deleting my comments. How awkward is that? I had a guy unblock me after 2 years and pretended it didn't happen, but of course I called him out and he still denied it. Human behavior is so funny sometimes, I should have studied it in school. I have been blocked by a family member years ago. Oh wait, that was in real life.


                                  
                                                        What's your blocking point?
                        

 
 

When Friendships Go South

"I'm offensive, bitter, and depressed. I need to reflect on some of things I have said in the past." This is what a good friend told me recently. I don't normally like to air my dirty laundry, but in my defense I have never, and I mean never, had anyone say this to me. Well, this isn't the first time I have had to walk away from a friend I love dearly, but what other choice do I have? I know I'm not bitter, and I'm the happiest I've been in awhile. Offensive? Why, because I think for myself? I did try and reflect on whatever it was they think is so offensive about me, and it all narrows down to having different point of views, and a different belief system. To be offended by them is really ridiculous. I am the same person they met six years ago, and if I am as offensive as they say I am, why were we so inseparable for so many years? Then it all clicked. Outside influences convinced this person that my way of thinking is offensive, and this same influence has caused this person to drop other friends as well.

When I tell people that I am no longer friends with this person they immediately assume we must have had a fight, but that wasn't really the case at all. I really hate the old cliche "They really weren't your friend to begin with." Yes, this person was my friend. A really good friend. People change and grow apart, that's just part of life. I think I would have had more respect for this person if they would have just said that to me. Instead the blame for our friendship going south was all on me. It's hard sometimes because we both hangout with the same group of friends who don't share the same feelings about me. When they ask what happened I just say that we no longer have anything in common, and have chose to part our separate ways because in all fairness, that's exactly what happened.


              I still love this person dearly, and wish them the best even if I have to do it from afar.

Attention Seekers

What has made us all such big attention seekers? I know that technology has made it easier to get attention, but what is it about ourselves that makes us think that to be significant in life we must receive a lot of it? Yes, there are career choices that demand we seek attention to sell whatever it is we are selling, but on a personal level are we just looking for validation or acceptance? Sure, I suppose so, and what other way to get it than on social media sites?

Sometimes when I'm scrolling through my social news feed I come across the same serial attention seekers who are clearly self absorbed. One in particular who seems to need this self validation everyday. I get the bragging about our children, I'm very proud of mine as well, but the self promotion kind of comes across as desperation. Does convincing others that our life is so perfect, really make it perfect? I know my life isn't always fun and games. Does it make me an attention seeker if I post about my miserable day at work? Sure, I want people to sympathize with me. Tell me what a jerk that customer was to me.

Then there is the profile pic that we never seem to be completely happy with, and use filters to make us look...well, not our true selves. I rarely take a good picture. People say I'm photogenic, but what they don't know is how many pics I've taken before I am completely satisfied with the one that makes the cut to be my profile pic. And god forbid friends tag me in a "unapproved" pic. I have my "pre-approved" setting on for all tagged photo's. You know damn well they picked a photo that made them look good, and you with red eye or your mouth wide open. I guess you could say I write Blogs to get attention. Did I get yours? Like it!

Confident vs Arrogant

There is nothing worse than interacting with an intelligent person who is also arrogant. You want to learn as much as you can from this person until their arrogance over comes their intelligence and you can't see past it. They are interesting, smart, and always have something to add to the conversation. You really want to hear what it is they have to say, but its almost as if they've convinced themselves that they know everything. Can you possibly know everything? Is everything in life black and white? My thinking goes against this logic, and a person who refuses to see the other side of things or another persons point of view is just plain arrogant.

This person got me thinking about my relationships with other people, and I definitely don't have a lot of friends with the same point of view as I do. In fact I was married to a man who didn't share the same thought process as I do for many years. He is an engineer by trade, one of the smartest men I know, but I never thought of him as an arrogant person. He never talked down to me, and never acted as though he was smarter than me. He was always open to my point of view even if he didn't agree with it. I'm finding it harder today to meet people who can have a conversation without it turning into personal attacks, or taking offense to it. You either agree with them or you are wrong. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.