Aging gracefully

My daughter stopped in to see me the other day so we could catch up on what has been going on in each others lives. She just had her 25th Birthday at the end of the month, and doesn't seem to be too happy about it. I remember last month my son feeling the same way when he turned 28. They both used the word old. Old at 25 and 28? But they are still babies! Do they think I am ancient at the age of 48? Well, she did say she hopes she looks as good as I do at my age, so I guess I will refrain from smacking her. I tried to think back to when I was 25 to remember my thoughts about it, and of course my life was much different than hers. I was married and had 2 kids by then, but I guess I never really thought of myself as being old just thinking maybe I should have enjoyed my youth a little longer before settling down.

I think when we are young we all set goals of where we would like to be at a certain age in our lives, and when we're not we feel like too much time has passed that we can't get back. As we get older, you know, closer to my age we realize that life doesn't always go as planned, and sometimes there are reasons we are not where we wanted to be. I didn't really plan on getting married and having children at such a young age, it just sort of worked out that way. I've never been one to set goals for certain time frames of my life, I've always just gone with what felt right at the time. Maybe that's why I don't really have a lot of regret about not achieving every goal I have set forth for myself before getting older.

You're never really too old to change course if things don't work out the way you've planned, and for some of us no matter what we have achieved it's never good enough. I think that if we've spent our time enjoying the ride and continuously find happiness in everything we do, we have achieved far more than we have ever thought reaching in the goals we have set forth for ourselves. If that doesn't make you feel better about aging at least you can say you have achieved getting old.

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Are Woman and men really from different planets?

My son was paying me one of his twice a month visits which has dropped from his once a week visit. I usually cook him a big meal, and he does a few things around my condo for me that I've been unable to do by myself. I have the coolest son in the world. Yes, I might be a little bias, but we have always had a good relationship since he was a little boy. We spent a lot of time together watching movies, collecting his favorite action figures, playing board games, just to name a few things. As he got older we would go to concerts together, and he would recommend bands for me to listen to. We found it rather easy to talk to each other about the things that have been going on in our lives. We seem to enjoy each others company. Well, up until his last visit.

 My 28 year old son has turned into, well you know, one of those guys that comes from Mars. I know what you are thinking. You are just now noticing this? Okay, maybe I've been in denial and I never wanted to see my son as being a typical male, but the littlest things I did were starting to annoy him. He wouldn't return my text messages right away, and sometimes not at all. His mind seems to be else where during his visits, and they have become far and few in between. Has my son who I have adored his whole life turned into the type of man I wouldn't give the time of day to? No, of course not, but it does make me see the differences even more so that men and woman are really from different planets. How we deal and react to stress, depression, anger, or anything else for that matter can be so different, which usually causes us to misunderstand each other.

So I went through my small collection of old books that I've saved over the years because I thought they were good reads, and I still had my book edition of  Men Are From Mars, Woman Are From Venus, and began reading it again. The first time I read it was to understand my husband at the time, and this time would be to understand his off spring. I am some what pleased to say my son isn't really annoyed by me after all, and I am assuming all the wrong things. Well, I'm suppose to be a little annoying I am his mother. The male martian and female venusian really are from different planets, and if we just take the time to understand each other I guarantee it will all make sense, and the planets will align once again...Haha probably not. A girl can dream though.

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Just can't be alone.

After my divorce I started to analyze the long relationship I had with my ex-husband, and asked myself what was it about him that made me feel that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? After giving it some thought I came to the conclusion that it was security that made me feel comfortable with our relationship. I was only 15 when we met, and we had spent 4 years dating prior to us marrying. I think I confused that feeling of security with being in love. He was smart and very successful in his career at a young age, much more so than any other guy I met at that time. I think I just chose to love him instead of exploring other options I may have had. One of them being focusing on myself , my goals, and who I was as a person so I could choose the right person for me. If I never experienced being alone to figure out who I am how could I ever make the right choice? Would I ever really experience what true love is?

I think a lot of people make this mistake, they are so desperate to be in a relationship they don't take the time to learn how to be alone so they end up settling for the first person that comes a long because they confuse that feeling of security with being in love. I'm in no way a relationship expert, but I have spent the past 2 years being alone and I can honestly say the first year was the hardest, but it taught me a lot about myself and what I truly was looking for in a partner. I also know what it is I can offer to someone without misleading them into thinking I am someone I am not. I definitely would like to marry again someday, but I want it to be with someone who is comfortable with being alone, and wants to take his time to find the right person. I want him to take the time getting to know himself, so he can truly decide that I'm the woman he love's, and wants to spend his life with, and not just because he's lonely.

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What's my purpose?

We all have a purpose in life. People of faith believe this is predetermined for us by a higher power, but still can struggle to figure out what exactly that purpose is. I'm not a person of faith so I definitely don't think my purpose was predetermined. I've recently been struggling to figure out who I am let alone figure out my life purpose. I think the problem stems with thinking our purpose has to be a significant one. Yes, we should all make a difference, touch someones life, or change something for the better. But does it have to be something huge like saving the world from evil doers? I don't think so.

No matter what your belief system is we all touch other peoples lives everyday. So I think we need to start within ourselves, and what I mean by this is if we are not happy with who we are, or happy with what we do in life how can we project that onto others? Whether it be at work, school, or in our own community we all effect the people around us. Sometimes we are doing it knowingly, and other times we may not. I think that's where we lose knowing our purpose. If we don't see the effects, or we're not recognized for something we've done we automatically assume we haven't accomplished anything. But you can make a difference in the world by doing the smallest things in life that can make a big difference in someone else's life.

If your passion is music, drawing, writing, collecting, share it with someone. If you like to help those in need spend time with an elderly neighbor, be a foster parent, coach little league, teach a child to read. Being a good mother, father, aunt, uncle also gives you purpose. Help a friend who has a problem. Be there when you are needed. Going to work, school, church, sport events, concerts, all give you purpose. Your purpose started the day you were born. No matter how big, or how small ,your purpose in life is whatever you choose it to be. So, stop rattling your brain over it, and get out there and live.

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Down sizing

When I was divorced a little over two years ago I found myself in a position that caused me to have to down size my living space. In less than a years time my adult children had moved out, my 15 year old beloved fox terrier became ill and had to be put down, and my 24 year marriage had come to an end. A divorcee, empty nester, the loss of my dog, and having to leave the home I raised my children in for the past 17 years was almost too much to bear, but it had to be done.

What would I do with all the stuff I accumulated over a 24 year period? To go from living in a 3800 sq ft space to a 1200 sq ft space would be a challenge to say the least. As I sifted through the years of clutter I realized that most of it wasn't even being used, and I even had doubles of everything. Why did I think I needed all this stuff? What possessed me to buy it? I guess I felt a need to fill this large house, and now I was seeing what truly mattered the most to me. Well, at least what material things mattered most to me, and it was mostly stuff that had sentimental value.

First I went through the kitchen and decided I would pack the set of old antique dishes my mother had given me that I only used on special occasions, and use them for my everyday dishes. The same for small appliances, only the stuff I would use. Then I went through the living room, bedroom, basement, bathrooms, just packing the things I would use from day to day. This was a lot easier than I original thought. I accumulated stuff Just to fill space, and now I was just doing the opposite.

Even if I did give up a garage for a carport. A back yard for a small patio. A 4 bedroom, 4 bath, family room, great room, and 2 kitchen home for a condo less than half the size. I am still surrounded by the things that mean the most to me, and it only takes about an hour to clean compared to 3 days to clean. Down sizing made my life a whole lot simpler, and now I can focus on what really matters to me in life. My family, friends, and a new life with that special someone. 

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Just for decoration

I was at a friends house over the holidays and went to use the bathroom and to my surprise she had holiday decorated toilet paper. This amused me so I took a pic of it and posted the pic on social media just to get a laugh. Turns out she has toilet paper for almost every holiday. Well jokingly, so I thought, her husband tells me the toilet paper was only for decoration purposes and I wasn't suppose to use it. What?! Just for decoration? I'm sure he meant only guests can use it, but men get confused about this rule.

Most of us woman have a "Just for decoration" policy on some of the things we buy. For example when my kids were younger I had towels that hung in the bathroom that were the "pretty towels" with a silk lace heart on them that matched the bathroom wallpaper, and if you used them,well, they would look used when guest came over. I know, OCD at it's finest, but you never know when Better Homes and Garden might pay us a visit for a photo shoot. I also had a no, no, room which was really my living room, and was off limits to everyone but me when I needed to get away from the mess in the family room.  My mother did the same thing when we were younger only she had plastic covers made for her white sofa in her all white living room. Yeah, that felt really good when you were wearing shorts.

Are woman the only ones that do this? I'm guessing a much higher percentage than men. Now that I'm older, and I'm much more wiser, and maybe cured of my OCD. Well, maybe a little. I use everything I buy. Things are meant to be used, especially the pretty, luxurious things. What are you waiting for? Use those antique dishes you only pull out for special occasions.Use those pretty towels you have been saving for when the in-laws come for a visit. Use those decorative candles for a long soak in the tub, and for pete sake if you're gonna buy a white sofa use a cloth cover so you can take it off to wash it when it gets dirty because, dammit, you're worth it!

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Fondest of Memories

My fondest memories as a child was spending every summer on my grandparents farm on the outskirts of a small town named Greenville Tennessee. My older sister, younger brother and I spent our summers there mostly because my parents were divorced and thought it would be better to spend our time with family instead of with sitters while they worked. My aunt, uncle, and 4 cousins had a farm house just a mile or two down the road, which made our visits even more exciting and fun. My grandparents would make the drive to Michigan to pick us up after the school year had ended. The drive to Tennessee was filled with anticipation for the fun filled summer they had in store for us.

My cousins were older than us and had unique personalities. My oldest cousin competed in horse back riding competitions and her bedroom was filled with winning ribbons and trophies. The second oldest competed in dirt bike racing. I must confess I always had a crush on him. The third oldest cousin had the most beautiful doll collection I had ever seen. She played tennis from time to time at the tennis club in town. The youngest son was just a couple years older than I and collected anything that had to do with Abraham Lincoln.

 We always spent our days with them exploring farm fields, barns, old abandon shacks that were insulated with old news papers.We climbed fruit trees, caught fire flies at night, and road bikes down a long winding gravel driveway. When we got thirsty from the days escapades we drank from a cold under ground spring on my aunt and uncles property. My grandfather grew large vegetable gardens that he attended to daily to pick the days vegetables for our meals. Talk about delicious. I have never eaten vegetables so fresh and tasty, and haven't since. We would ride in the back of my grandpas old ford pick up truck to the only burger chef in town that just so happened to be owned by my uncle. Sometimes we stopped at "The little orange market" to pick up whatever my grandma needed, and I always got a bottle of yoohoo. I think that's how my chocolate addiction started.
  
I often think about my Grandparents who are no longer with us. They always seem to have looked the same age as they did from the time I was a kid until I was grown. I'm grateful that both of my children were old enough to remember meeting them before their deaths at the ages of 92 and 87. I love and miss you, Bonnie and Roy. I will always cherish the time we spent together. Thank you for the memories.

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What Separates The Men From The Boys

                           

                             WHAT SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE BOYS

 

                Men: Build you up                        Men: Support your decisions

                Boys: Tear you down                     Boys: Control your decisions

                Men: Listen to your words            Men: Make you smile

                Boys: Belittle your words              Boys: Make you cry

                Men: Will laugh with you             Men: Say they're sorry

                Boys: Will laugh at you                Boys: Make you sorry

                

                                                Which one are you?

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Second hand finds

I love a good bargain, but who doesn't? I started shopping at resale shops when my kids were just babies. The cost of children's clothing was very expensive especially anything that had a designer label on it , and we all know how quickly they out grow them. Resale shops offer a variety of goods that are gently used and sold on consignment. Which usually means you can get a high end item that would cost you much more if you walked into a department store and paid full price, only because someone else was either tired of the item or no longer have a use for it. The seller makes money off the item which makes it a win, win situation. I have also bought some gently used suits, dresses, and coats for myself that I could have never afforded retail. Thrift shops, Goodwill, and Salvation Army are also great places to find collectables, dishes, picture frames, furniture, books, toys, tools, home decor, and many other items that are donated and sold to help the needy. I am addicted. Don't get me wrong I do buy some stuff from retail stores and have found many a bargain that way also, but if you are a collector, on a tight budget, or you just can't see paying full price for something you won't use or wear often, then these places are for you.

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My funny Valentine

Some woman just love Valentines Day. It's the day they test the love of their man. Men don't do this, at least not on Valentines Day. Men test our love by buying two tickets to a concert, and taking their best buddy instead of us. Woman want romance, flowers, chocolates, dinner, the list goes on and on. Lets face it, ladies, we usually don't get the romance novel Valentines Day we are expecting. Don't feel bad, my ex bought me a vacuum cleaner one year for Valentines Day, and tried to justify it by pointing out the vacuum was the color red. It can only get better for me, right?

 Men spend twice as much on gifts than woman do, but is it really necessary? I can only speak for myself, but all I see in a bouquet of roses is a waste of $60 that I'm going to throw out in a few days. I love chocolate, but who can just stop at eating one? I'm gonna finish that whole box off in one sitting, and blame it on him for sabotaging my healthy diet. Who doesn't love a good meal? Well, guess who's going out to dinner on Valentines Day? EVERYONE! Good luck unless you've made reservations.

 I think what ruins it for us woman is we want the things we don't usually get through the rest of the year, and feel let down when we don't get it on that one special day we're expecting it. Lets show our love and appreciation for each other no matter what the time of year it is. It takes less effort than holding off until Valentines Day, and the expectation won't be so high because we already know you love us. Remember in grade school when we decorated shoe boxes to hold all of our valentines? Your only expectation was to get a card from the boy who sat in front of you.

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Matchmaker

I've been single for a little over 2 years now, after being married for almost 25. We were basically each others first long term relationship. So dating is somewhat foreign to me, and a little scary at times. My friends would like to help me move things a long by fixing me up with their ideal guy, but can friends really help you find that special someone? Do they really know what it is you are looking for? "But he's a really nice guy" I'm told a lot. Well, I know quite a few nice guys, but I don't feel anything romantic for them. So I gave it some thought. What is it exactly that I'm looking for in a partner? I know what I want now is very different than what I wanted in my 20s. We all have a physical preference that attracts us to someone. I'm attracted to tall solid built men with somewhat large facial features. I'm also physically attracted to men with dark hair and dark eyes. Of course most men my age are going grey, like myself, which I also find attractive. Facial hair is a plus, but not necessary. Then once I find them physically attractive I look for chemistry. This is a very important factor when finding a lifetime partner. I think there are several types of chemistry.

Type #1: Tear-each-other’s-clothes-off chemistry: This can be confused with lust, but not if you only feel this way for one person.

Type #2: We’re-so-comfortable chemistry: They are easy to talk to and you can be yourself around them.

Type #3: We-laugh-like-crazy-together chemistry: Who doesn't like to laugh and have fun together?

Type #4: We’re-so-complementary chemistry: While its important to have the same values, you are also attracted to people who are different than you. We are drawn to people who bring out the best in us.

Type #5: We-have-so-much-in-common chemistry: This is a huge plus if you spend a lot of time with each other.

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The kind of older person

I often think about getting old, and what kind of older person I will be. Mostly because I work with the elderly and I see all different types. I wonder if I will be a hoarder, or will I be the type of older person that holds no sentimental value to anything, and just gives it all away. Will I be grouchy and bitter because my loved ones stuck me in a nursing home and hardly ever come to visit. Will I play bingo every weekend to pass the time.Will I be adored by my grandchildren whom I will spoil rotten and tell them about my escapades from my younger years.

 I know the kind of elderly person I would like to be. I want to be the kind that dances at weddings, has a shot of tequila every night before bed, rides a bike with a wicker basket on the front of it. Drives a classic car, listens to heavy metal music, which wouldn't sound so heavy by the time I'm in my 80s. One that goes to the beach with a metal detector and finds all kinds of treasures. I want to belong to the Red Hat Society. I've always loved seeing those little old ladies dressed up in their bright red hats. Eat dinner at the local diner at 4:00pm so I can get my senior citizens discount, of course. I want to sit on my front porch drinking iced tea in my rocking chair with my 5 cats named Laverne, Shirley, Lenny, Squiggy and The Fonz at the end of each day...Ayyyy.

Yeah, that's the kind of older person I want to be.
                                             

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