Minimalism

I recently watched a documentary about people who gave up their life of materialism to live a much simpler life that only consisted of living with what they needed and claimed it made them happier people. They gave up their high paying jobs that forced them to work 60hr work weeks, and their huge homes they were never home to live in. They weeded through their collectables and household items to see what they really used, and came to the conclusion that most of their valuable possessions were not valuable at all. In other words they really didn't use most of the stuff they buy. They were just buying for the sake of having the latest gadget or trendy outfit because they were brainwashed by marketing schemes to do so, or they were trying to keep up with the neighbors.

When I got divorced over four years ago I was kind of forced into this life style because my income drastically dropped, which was easy for me because I wasn't raised in a wealthy family and really didn't have a lot of luxury items growing up. To go from living in a 3800 sq foot home to a little less than 1200 sq foot home was kind of challenging at first, but once I got rid of stuff I didn't use my storage problems were no longer a problem. I found that having a smaller home meant I didn't need to shop as much, and if I did I always second guessed the purchase. With a larger home you tend to buy things just to fill it whether you really need it or not. My thought process has really changed in the last 4 years. I don't buy for that temporary happy feeling that you get from buying something new. I buy because it's something I use, need, or brings me happiness long term.

 There was a time that I didn't feel very successful in my life until a few friends of mine pointed out to me that they have never seen me so happy. And they are right. I may have less income, less stuff, and a smaller home, but I'm successful when it comes to friends, family, time and memories because I really have only what I need which makes me happy. Less stuff, less work, less expense. Equals. More money, more time, more joy in doing the things I love. Do you own your stuff or does your stuff own you?

A work in progress.

 Abandonment, commitment, parent, substance, trust, we all have some type of issue that stops us from moving forward in life. Most of us don't even know we have them. Some are deal breakers, some can be worked through. Some stem from childhood, others stem from past relationships. Wherever they may have originated from they can cause us problems in the future. So what do we do about them if they get in the way of our happiness? Good question.

I recently discovered I have abandonment issues. They come from my childhood, a time in my life that I felt abandoned by the adults around me who I should have felt safe with. I think that's what stops me from getting too close to people, or pushing them away before they get a chance to abandon me first. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, it wasn't easy. It's something I've been doing subconsciously for years.

This has definitely gotten in the way of  my relationships. Having unrealistic expectations toward a love interest, wanting too much too soon. I overreact and over need. Twisting myself into a pretzel to hide my panic. In trying to save the relationship, I lost my authenticity. Making my partner or friend feel emotionally responsible for me. This creates that awful dynamic where I need them more than they need me, so I stay at a safe distance rather than putting myself out there. The self loathing starts to set in, then I realize I've pushed them away forever.

I know this isn't completely my fault, but I do need to learn when I start to feel this way, to stop laying all the responsibility on the other person. This means to take 100% of the responsibility when my fear starts to erupt rather than expecting the other person to fix it, even if they triggered it. Vow to use abandonment fear as an opportunity to develop emotional self reliance.Transforming abandonment fear into emotional self reliance involves radical acceptance of my separateness as an individual. Easier said than done, right? I am officially in abandonment recovery,