Leasing vs Buying

I recently found myself in the position where I needed to buy a new car. I have been putting it off for a while now because I didn't really want a car payment, but started noticing that the money I was spending in car repairs could have easily covered a years worth of car payments. Not to mention the time I spent on my days off in auto repair shops. I was driving a 2001 Audi Quattro Sedan. A really nice car that I bought used, and payed cash for 10 years ago. Any car repairs I needed my handy husband, at the time, took care of. I really didn't start to notice how expensive this car was to maintain until after my divorce almost 3 years ago. All Audi parts have to be ordered through the dealership, and can cost almost double of what the parts cost for American cars. Even my oil changes would run me anywhere from $70 to $100 depending on if it needed new filters or not.

I really loved my Audi, it was fully loaded with all the luxuries you could ask for in an older car, and I named him, Sussman, which means sweet man in German. Doesn't everyone name their cars? My last trip to the auto repair shop convinced me that, Sussman, had to go. I was given a $2000 quote in front end repairs and the blue book value of the car was only a thousand more. Buying a new car on my own was something I have never done before, but I've been doing a lot of things that I've never done before in the last 2 1/2 years, and have been doing just fine. I mean, why should a car be any different? I first had to decide do I really want to buy another used car? No, definitely not. I might just inherit someone else's car issues, and have car repair bills on top of a payment. But on the other hand I am a single woman who is trying to start her life over after a divorce, and my income has dropped drastically.

I knew for sure the next car I get had to be a new one, but should I lease or buy? So I weighed out the pro's and cons, and thought although it would be nice some day to not have a car payment after I bought the car, chances are the car would need repairing once again after the car is payed off. I would also have a much higher car payment than I really could afford when buying a new car. I don't drive a lot, or very far to get to work, so if I leased a car I could get a much lower payment and not worry about going over my yearly car mileage. Getting a new car every 3 years wouldn't be such a bad thing either if I could keep my payments low enough. So I went to the car dealership, and told them what I wanted to pay monthly, and it turned out leasing was much more affordable. I even got a fair price for, Sussman, as a down payment, and drove out of there a few hours later with a 3 year lease on a new car I call, The Bullet. With remote start, heated seats, and a reverse camera so I don't back into anything. Not that I ever have. Just wanted to make that clear.  

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Dog vs Cat

I have always been a person who preferred dogs over cats. Well, I've really only had the pleasure of owning two dogs in my life time, and that wasn't until after I was married. My first dog was a 100 lb German Shepherd named, Max. After the movie Mad Max. I was a huge Mel Gibson fan at the time, and that was one of my favorite movies growing up. Max was a big sweetheart, he would always try to sit in my lap, which we all knew wasn't gonna happen. We had to buy a Yukon just so we could take him to the vet, and up north with us. Every time I took him for walks the neighbors would always tease me by asking me who was walking whom? I was only a 115 lbs at the time, so he really was pulling me down the street. We got Max when he was 6 months old, and he was the runt of the litter, believe it or not. I can't imagine what his siblings weighed. His father weighed 110 lb, and his Mother 80 lb. He died 4 years later for unknown reasons. A very sad day for the whole family. I swore I would never get another dog because of the heartache we all felt when he passed.

Two years later when my ex-husband was on a snowmobile trip with the guys, I took my kids to the pet store just to look at the puppies, and ended up bringing home a Fox Terrier that we named, Bud. I know what you are thinking. You just went to look at the puppies? I remember him throwing up on my son on the car ride home, and my son yelling from the back seat, "He got sick on me, Mom, pull over". I figured it was payback for all the times he got sick on me. He was a sweet little dog, at first, and didn't really chew up anything. I was a stay at home mom, so I was able to potty train him quickly. After that first year he had gotten really attached to me. I guess because we spent so much time together.You couldn't sit by me. You couldn't hug me, or even look at me the wrong way, or this dog went into attack mode. Yeah, he was a little jerk, but I loved that dog with all my heart. 15 years later he had all kinds of heath issues. Lost both of his eyes, and his organs began to shut down. It was time to let the little guy go. Shortly after putting, Bud, down I had gotten a divorce and moved to a condo.

 I was still heart broken over the loss of my beloved Fox Terrier, so I waited a couple years before I decided to get another pet. This time I thought a cat would work better for me since I lived alone and in a condo. I was never really fond of cats, mostly because the cats that I've been around were not affectionate, or they were too aggressive. I decided I would adopted one from the humane society instead of a breeder. When I got to the Humane Society I entered a room full of caged kitties. The very first one I noticed had its face pressed against the cage looking right at me saying," pick me, pick me". In kitty language, of course. She was a tortoise shell color, and very tiny even though she was 11 months old. They took her out of the cage, and we immediately bonded. She was so affectionate, and so sweet. I didn't need to hold any other cat. She was the one. I named her Luna. I call her Loony Luna because she can get a little crazy sometimes, but she is very entertaining. She follows me wherever I go in my condo. She's so fascinated with watching the toilet flush, and playing in the bathtub. I mentioned she was loony, right? Four months later I couldn't imagine life without my Luna. I guess I'm a cat person after all.

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Make it happen

I often complained about the outcome of some of the choices I have made in my life that I wasn't happy about, but never really seemed to do anything to change them. I basically accepted things as being my fate. Someone told me once that I needed to own my choices. My problem wasn't that I couldn't own them, I just never tried to make things better. I always felt like I should sacrifice my happiness for others, which made me even more miserable. You know the old saying "You made your bed now lie in it"? How long was I expected to do this, and if things were bad shouldn't I make the changes necessary to make them better?

We all make mistakes, and nothing will change that unless we are willing to change it for ourselves. We can't pray it away, we can't wish it away, and we can't hope that things will get better. We must take action. To assume we must live with the choices we have made because we are worried about what others may think of us, is just counterproductive. People talk about forgiveness all the time, but sometimes forgiving ourselves is much harder than forgiving others. I spent too many years in a rut of despair, which I know now hurt the people I love the most in my life. I should have gotten out of that situation sooner.

Now that I have finally woke up from my 5 year coma, and started to change the things that have made me unhappy, everything has just started to fall into to place. I've taken charge of my life, and I stopped looking back. I don't let others control my happiness anymore. Life is finally moving forward, and is no longer at a standstill. I am a changed person. I am now able to make better decisions, which means less drama, less confusion, and less stress. Life has become harmonious. What are you waiting for? Make it happen.

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Age Appropriate

The older I get the more I hear other woman talk about clothes and hair styles that are age appropriate. I get confused by this rule a lot. As a young woman I was always a modest dresser. I usually followed the "Dress like you're a mother" rule, over the "Age appropriate" rule. Now that I'm almost 49 I tend to wear what I like, and have thrown all the rules out the window. I think at any age you should dress more to your body type if you are going to follow any rule at all. My slim long legs are my best asset, but I don't think a woman at my age, or any age for that matter, should be dressed in short shorts or micro mini's. I will however show my legs off with an inch or two above the knee. Okay, maybe sometimes I go shorter, but you will never see my cuchi or my butt cheeks hanging out. Lets leave a little to the imagination, ladies.

I recently had  about 4 inches taken off the length of my hair, and was told it made me look younger. Most woman when they reach a certain age think its "age appropriate" to cut your hair short, but I personally think I have always looked better with shoulder length hair or a little above. It really depends on your facial features, and the shape of your face. I've always wanted to let my grey hair grow in, but every time I do I see my grandmother in the mirror so I may hold off on that for a while. Some woman look stunning in grey, so I guess I'll leave it to the woman that can wear it well. I really have been in the mood to be a little more edgy with my look. Something I've always been afraid to do. I just may surprise everyone one of these days. 

I say wear what you want if you love it, and feel comfortable in it. Follow your body type, and just go for it. Have you seen what the clothes designers look like that make up these rules? Yeah, god awful sometimes. Figure out what your best asset is, and enhance it. Have fun with your look. It's only hair, it will grow back. I'm tired of looking like the next girl. I'm tired of looking like someones mother. I want to have different looks. Classic one day, and edgy the next. I want to be unpredictable. I want people to notice me when I walk in a room and say, damn, she looks good. And not, damn, she looks good for her age.

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Mortality

 Now that I work with the elderly thoughts of my own mortality frequently enter my mind. When I first started working at the nursing home I wasn't sure I could handle watching people suffer on a daily basis at the end of their lives. Of course not all of them are suffering, most of them make the best of their situation that life has dealt to them, others have no control over the diseases that have riddled their minds and bodies. They depend on others to make life as comfortable as possible. In some of those cases they will live out the rest of their lives in a nursing home. When I enter a residents room I always wear a smile. I really do like my job. What better way to make a living than to serve others? Some of the residents have old pictures of themselves from their younger years hanging on their walls, and are often eager to share a story or two. Stories about serving in a war, coming to America for the first time from abroad, or reminiscing about a spouse that has since passed. Some of them have no family, and others have family that visit often. You get to know all of them as well. I wish I had more time to spend with each one of them, but of course there is work to be done.

When a resident passes it's always heartbreaking, but at the same time it can make you feel at peace because I know that most of them were ready to rest their weary bodies. You can usually tell when someone is ready to let go. It's something you see and just feel after working here for awhile. Of course there are some exceptions. I just recently had an Aunt pass away, and I never saw it coming. She wasn't in a nursing home, and she cared for herself. Over 25 years ago she started to have bad headaches, and they discovered she had several small aneurysms in her brain. She had a total of 3 brain surgeries to remove the ones they thought would kill her, but she had more they would find that they would have to leave. It was just too dangerous for her to have anymore surgeries. I was in my early 20s and she was in her early 40s. After opening up someones head 3 times there is gonna be some damage. She was not the same person who helped to raise me in my teens. She had to be taught the simplest tasks all over again. They told us she would never recover to a functioning adult, and would probably not live but a few more years. Well, they were wrong. Almost 30 years later she was still with us and functioning on her own. When I was told of her passing, one of the first things that went through my mind was a poem I had recently read by Edgar Allen Poe...

                                                         
                                                        Rest in peace my sweet, Azeal

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