The end of my abusers life.

 I recently found out that my Father is on his death bed. Most people would rush to their Fathers bedside but what if you haven't seen your father in 17 years, and another 20 years before that? My only memory of this man is his constant verbal, physical, and emotional abuse he made my siblings and I live with each and every day of our childhood. Is it really my responsibility to give this man the opportunity to make his peace with the way he treated all 4 of his children? Being raised by this man left my spirit broken. I have never trusted men after that experience. I needed him to make his peace with me a long time ago, and I just can't give it to him on his terms. What do you even say to someone after all this time? 

 I'm going to regret not going as much as I would regret going...

Earning a Living

I work with an all woman work force in a small secluded area of the hospital that most people don't even know is there. We are radiology support. If a radiologist, doctors office, or patient has a radiology question or problem we are the go to department. A few years back our hospital merged with two other local hospitals, so they recently decided to get all the hospitals on the same pay level by department. What would determine my pay increase? Well, from what I understood education, experience, how many years you worked at the hospital, and if you were at the top or bottom of your pay grade for that department. This got me excited. I was convinced I would get a significant pay raise because I knew my responsibilities were important, and some of us were kind of discussing what we were presently making, and I was definitely at the bottom if not under the going rate. I would even joke with the radiologist's if they asked me a question I didn't have an answer for by saying the question was above my pay grade.

Most, if not all of the woman I work with could not earn a living without a roommate or significant other. So this pay raise was something we all really needed to survive on our own. I'm not saying I'm poor. I know a lot of people who would love to have their home payed off like I do, but the reality is even without a house payment I struggle to live on my own. It was to the point where I would have to work a second job if I didn't have a roommate. So when my pay increase was not as much as I had anticipated I wondered if I would ever get a raise that would lift me out of this low income bracket. When I see posts on FB about our economy and middle class doing better I can only hope it will trickle down to me, but in the meantime I will continue to work hard at my job, and make do with that yearly 2% cost of living raise. Cost of living raise? Righht! At least there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. When I retire I get to collect my ex-husbands social security which will be quite a bit more than I make working now. Go figure!

                                                                          Yeah!

Tiny House

The older I get the less clutter I hope to accumulate. One of my biggest fears in life is ending up on one of those hoarder shows defending myself for keeping 50 years worth of junk. When I down sized after my divorce I really thought I couldn't possibly get rid of anything else because I was sure to miss it. I am proud of myself for not buying into the latest fad kitchen gadget's, like the air fryer, that will only take up valuable space. I did buy a keurig mini a couple years ago so I could make the perfect cup of coffee for a guy I was dating, but the relationship didn't last and now I only pull the Keurig out when I want to make hot chocolate. Wanna buy a Keurig mini?

I went from a 3800 sq ft house to a 1200 sq ft condo, and I thought that was small enough, but now I think I could go a little smaller. Maybe a 700 sq ft tiny house I could put on a couple acre lot. I know a lot of these homes are built on trailers so they are mobile, but I don't think I want to move it or travel in it. I still want to travel, but to take my home with me every where I go just wouldn't be for me. I want solar panels for my electricity and a wood burning stove to heat my tiny home. You can even set up water tanks, pumps, and water heaters so you can tap into wells or city water. You can even collect rain water and heat it with your wood burning stove. Compost toilets are usually what are put into tiny homes.

Location is important if you plan on staying in one spot. A lake and a wooded lot would definitely be a must. I need to love the outside as much as I do the inside because space is so minimal. I would grow food and flower garden's on the property, and maybe learn to hunt and fish. Of course my ideal spot would be up north somewhere so in the winter I could get around on a snowmobile, and a moped in the summer. One of my luxury items would be an outdoor hot tub right off the side of the tiny house when I feel like soaking my sore muscles, which would be heated by a solar panel. I try every day to live a minimalist life style by giving up things for experiences.

                                                     Could you live in a tiny house?

Talking Down

Have you ever been talked down to by someone in a higher job position than you? Where they actual pointed out to you that their time is more important than yours? I deal with some pretty large ego's with huge pay checks to go along with it, but most of these people are kind, and even try to build good work relationships with me. After all we need each other to get the job done. I work at a hospital in the radiology department. We are radiology support so I spend most of my work day interacting with doctors, imaging tech's, and nurses. Some of these people think I know more than I do, but my position is basically on the job training so when I talk to a doctor I need to know my medical terminology so they take me seriously. They will correct me if I pronouns something wrong, or the images I've put on our computer system for them to compare are comparable to the exam. 

Before starting my job position a little over a year ago, I started out at the hospital working in housekeeping. Boy, was I ever talked down to in that position. Be kind to your housekeeper's its a very tough physical job, and it's very crucial to you feeling better, and not leaving the hospital with something you didn't come into the hospital for. I never forget where I started, and I am very kind to the woman who cleans our office's, and thank her for doing so. Housekeepers are subjected to so many illnesses, and have to protect themselves from bringing whatever illness home to loved ones. I've had nurses make demands on my workload that physically drained me. I even had one run down the hall yelling "housekeeper!" then asked me why I didn't answer her? I turned to her and said "my name isn't housekeeper".

My job requires me to make a lot of phone calls to doctors office's as well. Usually to give not so good news about one of their patient's test results. I always try to speak to people with a pleasant voice, and remain as professional as I can be. I know that how I come across can make a huge difference in how a receptionist responds to my call. She might be having a fairly hectic day so I try to start the conversation with a "good morning" and end it with how much I appreciate them hunting down a fax I sent, and making sure the doctor receives it. When you treat people with respect on all levels of the totem pole it tends to make every ones day a good one. The only time you should be talking down to someone is when you get stuck in a tree and you need help getting down.

Creature of habit

I'm a creature of habit. I'm pretty sure I became this way as an adult because I didn't have a lot of structure and stability as a kid which made me anxious. As an adult I had to make my own structure to function without anxiety. I'm also a planner which interferes with my plans to be more spontaneous. Who plans to be spontaneous? That would be this girl. Since I became single, and my kids are grown it's become much easier for me to stick to a somewhat scheduled day. I have a routine that I do almost every day, except on the weekends, but even then it's usually planned ahead of time. Laying around and doing nothing is very hard for me, even when I'm sick. 

When I get home from work the first thing I do is feed the cat and ask her how her day was. Then I go straight to the coffee maker and get the coffee ready for the next morning. If I make myself a big dinner I will usually pack a lunch of leftover's for the next days lunch. I even clean most of the dishes, pots and pans after I've used them, as I'm cooking. I then go to my bedroom and change into yoga pants and do a 30 minute workout, and then jump in the shower. My morning ritual consist of getting dressed, feeding the cat, cleaning out the liter box, and I'm out the door. I even try to park in the same spot everyday, or at least in the same row at work.

I read an article the other day about how messy people are more intelligent than organized people. How can this be so? They also tend to be procrastinators, and live in chaos, but yet I'm the unintelligent one? I guess I'm just not a person who can thrive in a disorderly environment. I try to let loose sometimes and let things go, but that only makes me less productive. Why do organized, tidy, structured people with a plan always get labeled negatively? Why doesn't everyone organize their closet according to sleeve length, casual clothes in the front, dress clothes in the back, and all the hangers facing inward? Oh for Pete's sake don't get your panties in a bunch over my neatness. Fold those panties nicely. Bikini on the left, boy shorts on the right, and thongs in the back.

   

Do you feel lucky?

Do you ever just sit and wonder how lucky you are? I do. Not the kind of luck you get from winning the lottery, but the kind of luck that gives you smooth sailing when it comes to those unexpected challenges in life. Things just seem to work themselves out. Is it because I'm a good person? I know lots of good people that can never get a break from the bad things that happen. Why do I seem to have better luck than they do? Some would say this is karma. You get back what you give, but sometimes I really don't think I give near as much as I get. 

I'm sure what I consider to make me lucky, other people might wonder why I feel so lucky. I'm much more humble the older I get. What was lucky in my 20s is not the same as in my 50s. I just feel lucky if I get a good nights sleep. To have overall good health, and to have achieved all my goal's in the last 5 years. Well, most of them. To have been in love, and to have been loved in return. To have seen most of the United States except for the northeast, but I'll get there, don't you worry. To have adult children who are also my best friends. Lucky to have a cat who doesn't claw everything up after I refused to declaw her. Well, that one might be karma.

Is there really such thing as having good luck? Doe's life have a plan for us, and with a little luck we just might figure out our way through it? Or is life the luck of the draw, and some of us have no such luck? Do some people just have all the luck? If we all were lucky people would we even notice how lucky we are? Why is luck a lady? Why are so many down on their luck? Will they have better luck next time? By talking about it will I be pushing my luck? Well, for whatever reason this lady feels lucky, I'm gonna find every reason to thank my lucky stars I'm on a lucky streak. Now if I could only be lucky at love...best of luck to you.

Baby I'm a Star

I guess you could say my life has been full of drama. No, not the kind that causes aches in your stomach, but the kind that takes you away to a different, and imaginary land in your head. I always loved musicals as a kid, especially if they had Elvis, Frankie and Annette, Ann Margaret, Julie Andrews, and Dick Van Dyke in them, to name some. I remember as a kid we would perform skits and plays in school, but of course I was never picked to play the lead roles. During our summer breaks my girlfriends and I would make up dance routines to our favorite music, and make our poor parents watch them. I was never able to take dance classes so when my daughter reached the age of 5 I signed her up for jazz and hiphop dance classes, and from then on, to the age of 18, I lived vicariously through her. I remember missing her first dance recital because I couldn't see her performance through my tears of joy. Thank goodness I bought a video of that recital so I could watch it over again. 

The first musical I ever attended was "Moving Out", composed by the one and only Billy Joel. Was it ever amazing. Since then I have gone to community theater groups that have been very entertaining. One recently called "The Barn Theater" in Augusta MI. First we got to watch a theatrical play in a renovated barn that had two guest actors from the Guiding light soap opera that used to be on main stream TV. Then we moved into a little building next door where they served cocktails and appetizers while the waitstaff sang short musical numbers in front of a piano bar. These performers were collage students who attended The Barn Theater School of Advance Theater Training. To think at their age I was getting married and having kids. Sigh! Well, I probably forgot to mention that I really don't have any dance, singing, or acting talents, but I do preform once a year after a few cocktails at The Annex Piano Bar in Saugatuck.